The Unbearable Burden – Part II

Part one of this blog talked about how my husband and I met, my expectations and how I’ve been placing the unbearable burden on his shoulders to lead the way in my faith and my walk with Christ. I ended by saying that God had actually been focusing on me – not my husband – when it came to the change I was looking for. Not that my husband isn’t being focused on by God, but that’s his business, not mine. My business is to simply pray for him and ask God to bless his growth as a man of God and spiritual head of my home.

But now I’m going to express the unbearable burden I’ve placed on myself – to please everyone. Not that I always do what’s right, but I’m usually stressed out about people’s view of me. If I say no to something, I feel so bad I want to say yes – and I usually do. But I find myself in a predicament. I don’t have enough hours in a day to say yes to everything. As a married woman – here are my priorities:

1. My relationship with God and my daily walk with Him
2. My relationship with my husband and my daily interactions with him
3. My dedication to my job and the daily focus it needs
4. My family
5. My friends

That’s it! If those top three aren’t being addressed, I can assure you that I’m not going to be successful in anything else. And if you’re a married woman who struggles in a marriage to a man who’s not walking with the Lord, these still apply. Nothing in this list indicates that my husband has to be right with God. Nothing in that list lays any responsibility on anyone else except for me. And it is my privilege and right to say no to something I can’t handle right now. Like being on the worship team. Or leading a Sunday school class, or writing a book – none of those things matter. Sure, if I’m into what the world thinks and I’ve placed their approval in the number one spot – which I’ve done numerous times – I will say yes to whatever comes my way. Unfortunately, as a Christian who knows the truth of God and knows that life will not be successful if my priorities aren’t right, I crash and I crash hard. All the things I’ve said yes to start getting cancelled or rescheduled then cancelled. I stop showing up to church because the guilt of not “using my gifts” is overwhelming to me. It’s painful to walk in on a Sunday morning and hear some people say how much they miss my singing and my piano playing. I know they mean well, but they don’t realize that for a people pleaser, that’s the worst thing we can hear. We, at that point, over extend ourselves and start doing it again, or we stop showing up so we don’t have to see the disappointment on their face. And we wonder if they care how we’re doing as a person.

Sometimes I want to scream, “I’m moving to another state away from my family and I’m terrified! I’m working hard to maintain momentum on my job and I feel like a failure! I’m trying my hardest to be a Godly wife and I feel like I’m missing the mark most of the time! I’M FALLING APART INSIDE!”
But I don’t. Thank God I’m not screaming at them…that would make for an interesting story at their family’s dinner table that afternoon. But what I do is smile and say, “Soon.” Knowing that ‘soon’ just can’t happen right now.

Now I understand that my relationship with God includes serving Him. That’s so important – but when serving Him causes my marriage to fall apart and my job to take a back burner – especially in this economy – then I’m doing it wrong.

I’m tired of the unbearable burden and I’m taking it off. It’s painful and it’s going to hurt to take it off because so many people rely on me. But I will crumble to nothing if it continues this way, and I will be useless to any priority. Learn to say no when it’s right and yes when it’s right. But you’ll only know that if #1, God, is in His spot.

1 Peter 5:6-8 (New International Version)
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

I’m not about to be devoured, people.