What My Husband Wishes I Could See

 

The reason I began looking for ways to pray for my husband was beyond the need to simply pray – I needed specific ways to pray, and let me tell you it’s been wonderful to be able to do that.  But my faith is being tested in the process – and my perseverance. 

I began praying for my husband every day and whenever I did I felt like it was making a difference.  I would pray for his days as well as the specific things mentioned in the 31 Days List.  We would talk on the phone while he was at work and while he didn’t specifically say anything spectacular was happening, he just sounded happier and quicker to laugh.  I felt closer to him simply because of my prayer time and it was a really nice week we had.

So Sunday morning rolls around and I want him to come to church with me.  I didn’t have to be on stage that Sunday, so I was just going to the one service and I was convinced that after all my days of praying that he would be willing to go.  Believe big, right?  Well, believing big was not the problem – it was my disappointment when he didn’t really seem interested.  I felt completely let down.  “Hey God!  I’m praying for him!  I’m interceding for this man and he’s not even willing to try?”  I cried all the way to church.  I wasn’t mad at God, but I just felt deflated.  Helloooo…can we say impatient?

Perseverance is the big lesson here.  But it’s not the only one.  What I wasn’t seeing was all the little ways my husband was changing.  I had specific needs in mind, things I wanted to see my husband begin doing and regularly being in fellowship is a big one.  But when our eyes are only on that one thing, we very easily miss the other beautiful sparks and beginnings in their life – the small changes that lead to the big ones.  After all – isn’t that how we change too?  When we have bad habits and questionable actions that we consistently do – is there an instantaneous transformation?  Occasionally it will happen, but it’s rare.  There is a breaking down of the flesh that must occur – a tearing away of habits and hurts and anger and pain that needs to happen.

God’s not going to come down and present my new “robot” husband because I interceded for a week – I could intercede for the rest of my life and my husband will not necessarily become what I’ve imagined him to become.  Expecting great things for my husband isn’t wrong, but if my focus is so specific that I miss it when God does other work in him, then I’m to blame for my disappointment.

I had to take a step back and observe my husband through God’s eyes as best I could.  What I saw blew me away – and it made me immediately ask God for forgiveness.  What I saw was an increased gentleness.  Gentle was not a word I would necessaryly have used to describe my husband, but here he is being just that.  Then I saw his desire to really give to others.  I’d noticed it here and there recently but it never really stuck out to me until he was showing concern and care for the family that lived upstairs from us.  The mom works, the dad barely does, marijuana absorbs most of their limited income and one of their children, a nine year old daughter, has been clinging to my husband recently.  Whether she’s looking for a positive male role model in her life, or it’s a girlish crush – I suspect it’s a bit of both - he has stepped up to the plate and lets her walk the dogs with him, we’ve had her over for dinner a few times – and now we are seeing a little girl who is eager to hear about Jesus.  What a beautiful thing my husband is doing!  Instead of putting off another person’s child because it’s ”not his problem” he’s causing us to respond to this girl and now we have a chance to really witness to her and be a positive influence in her life.

So there I was crying and pouting all the way to church when I should have been rejoicing in the victories and steps taken.  What would happen if I let that overcome me?  What would have happened had I just given up and said “oh well, nice try anyway” and went about my usual business?  I would have stopped praying – and Satan would have been throwing a little party down there.  He would have been gloating in his victory while I sat there and pouted my way through my marriage.

So what does your husband wish you could see?  When you’re praying and interceding for your husband, ask the Holy Spirit to open your eyes to the ways that God is changing your husband’s heart.  Stop focusing on those big things you want to see happen and be willing to enjoy and be thankful for the many other victories that will occur.  And don’t give up.  You’re husband will be a changed man for it – and you’ll certainly be a changed woman.